Hola!

If you are reading this, that means you played a role in supporting me before/during/after my short-term mission trip to Guatemala City. This blog contains most of what I wrote in my journal while I was there. It is very important to me to share my experiences with those who supported me.

In order to start at the beginning, click here. At the bottom of each post on the left-hand side, you will see "newer post." Click on that to take you to the next day.

To see more pictures from the trip, click here.

Thank you again for all of your love, support and prayers!

The Lord gave, and the Lord hath taken away

I have a heavy heart about this:

GUATEMALA CITY—A U.S. priest who put an international spotlight on human rights abuses in Brazil in the 1970s has been killed by robbers in northern Guatemala.

The Rev. Lawrence Rosebaugh of Milwaukee, Wisconsin, was shot several times Monday by masked gunmen who stopped a car carrying him and four other missionaries to a meeting in Playa Grande, Guatemala.

A Congolese priest was also wounded in the attack, said the Rev. Jose Luis Castillo of the Missionary Oblates of Mary Immaculate in Mexico, which oversees the order's missions in Guatemala.

"They stole 1,000 quetzales ($125), a cell phone and religious ornaments. Things that have no use for them at all," said Rev. Felix Garcia, a member of Rosebaugh's missionary group in Guatemala.

Robbers have stopped cars in this area in the past.

Rosebaugh, 74, had spent 10 years as a missionary in Guatemala, where he ministered to HIV patients. He was scheduled to return to Milwaukee in December, Castillo said.

I will probably never understand, on this side of eternity, why God sent those 5 people to Guatemala to be killed.

I pray that their families find peace during this difficult time.

Once again, I say amen

The day after returning home, everyone on the team started getting really sick, including myself.

After a few doctors visits and tests, I got the unpleasant diagnosis of cryptosparidium. Everyone else was also diagnosed with it and we are assuming it came from the vegetables we ate in Antigua.

This is hitting me especially hard due to my recent UC diagnosis. Since my immune system spends all of its time focusing on my colon, it's not fighting off the crypto infection. My doctor said it will take a few weeks to fight this off, and chances are I'll be back to square one with my disease. The last few months of figuring out the perfect medication and getting closer and closer to remission will be washed away. I have never felt more horrible or miserable in my life.

My emotions are all over the place. At times, I want someone to listen to my stories. Other times, I don't want to talk about the trip at all. Sometimes, I just want to cry. I miss the people I met so much it hurts.

Being home has been a struggle for me.


And yet, in the midst of my own personal storm, I praise Him. He is so good and so awesome. I thank Him for sending me to Guatemala. I'm so humbled that He has chosen me to serve there.

I'll praise you in this storm
and I will lift my hands
for You are who You are
no matter where I am
and every tear I've cried
You hold in your hand
You never left my side
and though my heart is torn
I will praise You in this storm
-Casting Crowns

Home.

We arrived into Milwaukee around 9pm, after a long day of travel that started at 3am from Guatemala City to Houston, Houston to Chicago, and Chicago to Milwaukee.

Now I sit on my clean bed, in my clean bedroom, in my huge apartment, overlooking a beautiful lake. No bugs, no garbage to step over, no guns, no hungry children. Tomorrow I will go back to my cubicle at work and read through hundreds of emails I missed last week while I was loving the "least of these."

During our 5 hour layover in Houston, I got word that my Grandpa Stenz had passed away last Sunday night, around the same time that we arrived in Guatemala. I wasn't supposed to find out until I was back in Milwaukee but my dad and Abbie were both acting strange when I talked to them so I knew something was wrong. I had a feeling before we left for Guatemala that he would pass away while I was gone. I'm sad, of course, but I'm also at peace with it. I feel like I really said good-bye to him a few weeks ago when we were in Minocqua and I'm so thankful for that time we got to spend with him. I know that he had a wonderful reunion with Grandma when he saw her. I pray that he accepted Christ as his Savior so I will see him again someday.

The day was filled with a million different emotions, much like last Sunday when we were on our way to Guatemala. Excited about seeing my family, but sad about leaving my new family @ PH. Itching from a million bug bites, but feeling spiritually refreshed. Nervous about being bombarded with questions about the trip, but scared that I won't be able to adequately describe it yet. Hopeful for the Treasures in the dump, but still struggling with why God allows them to live that way.

Becky was reading "The Shack" while we were in Guatemala and I started reading it after she was finished. This particular sentence stood out to me and can so easily be applied to what I saw over the last week, "Grace doesn't depend on suffering to exist, but where there is suffering, you will find grace in many facets and colors."

So true.

Praise Him under open skies

Today is our last full day in Guatemala. I have mixed feelings about that! I'm excited to go home and see my family, but I don't feel like my work in Guatemala is done yet. This is just another time when I have to remember that things happen in His time, not mine.

Even though today was not a work day, we were still up at the normal time for breakfast and to get ready to spend the day in Antigua. It felt odd to not put on dirty, paint-stained jeans this morning and throw my hair into a pony-tail.

We left by 7am for our "tourist" day in Antigua. It's about an hour away from Guatemala City. Mandy and Nora arrived this morning with Louis on the bus and with an SUV full of armed national police officers. We were very shocked to find out that we'd have a police escort to and from Antigua. Gangs often target tourist buses (4 bus drivers were killed last week) and will many times set up road blocks, pose as the police and hijack buses..so for our safety, we were surrounded by police officers! They even ate lunch and dinner with us..not so much for safety reasons, but more so just because they like being fed!

Antigua is beautiful..especially compared to where we were all week. The cobblestone streets are lined with brightly colored buildings. Three volcanoes surround the city. There are marketplaces, parks, boutiques, ruins, churches, hostels...it's just really beautiful. The fact that it is sunny and 80 degrees really adds to the beauty too!

Today is the first day of Holy Week in Antigua. Many people make a pilgrimage to Antigua every year for Holy Week. They have many festivities and celebrations in the days leading up to Easter. There are many processionals during the week with huge floats depicting the Stations of the Cross, etc. that are so big it takes a hundred men to carry one of them. The people in the processionals dress in robes and walk over beautiful "carpets" that are woven from fresh flowers. Everything starts and ends at the Cathedral de Santiago, which is this amazing cathedral in the center of the city.

Our first stop was an overlook of the city. It was also my very first time ever seeing a volcano in real life! We spent some time at the overlook just sitting around, enjoying the sun and the view and taking pictures. It's really nice to be breathing fresh air in and out...quite the opposite of what we were breathing all week. I had some feelings of guilt while in Antigua. I felt guilty enjoying myself in that way, because of what I had seen and experienced in the days before today. I couldn't stop thinking about the Treasures back in Guatemala City. While I was looking at this amazing view of a beautiful city, they were digging through the dump. I thought about the kids that are crying because they are starving or they are sick. The mothers that have to see their starving child and know that they have no food to give to them. The men passed out face down in the street, probably hoping to die during this high. The families that are mourning the loss of a family member because of a senseless violent crime. I wonder if I'm going to feel this way when I get home and realize how many things I've taken for granted.


After the lookout, we went to the ruins of a Spanish convent called Convent Las Capuchina's. It was built in the 1800's. During that time, once the 2nd daughter of a family turned 13, she was taken to the convent and would never see her family again. The only way she'd see her family again was in Heaven. The young girls, called novices, were basically tortured by the nuns.


After Las Capuchina's, we spent the rest of the day eating, shopping and sight-seeing around the city. While we were shopping in the marketplace, there were two earthquakes! I barely felt one of them, but it was my first earthquake experience.

We had a wonderful dinner with Antonio, Nora and Mandy. We talked about our week in Guatemala and enjoyed each other's company. I'm really going to miss the PH staff when we get home. They are some of the most amazing people I have ever met. While at dinner, I broke a rule. I went to the restroom alone. While I was in there, the city lost power and the bathroom went pitch black! I had no idea what was going on and all I could do was pray for the Lord to keep me safe. I started feeling my way out of the bathroom by touching the walls and I finally made it into the pitch black restaraunt when I heard Nora running towards me and calling my name! Everyone at the table was very worried about me! Nora and I returned to the table and the employees had started lighting candles. Apparently, this happens in the city every once in awhile so they are always prepared. That is the last time I will break the bathroom buddy rule again!!

After dinner, we went to the park to say our good-bye's and board the bus to head back to the seminary. In the park, there are many people and children that are walking around offering to shine your shoes, trying to sell you a bracelet, etc. There was an older, disabled man walking (very slowly, as he had something wrong with his legs) around with a polaroid camera all day offering to take pictures of groups for a few quetzal's. We had kindly said no to him a few times during that day as we all had our digital camera's with us. We wanted to get a team picture with the PH staff before we left. So Antonio tracked the man with the polaroid camera down and asked him to take a few pictures of us, even though we could have asked someone to use one of our camera's to take a picture. During our week here, Antonio did many little things like that that have made me respect and admire him so much. He has many Christ-like qualities to him and I'm humbled to have gotten the opportunity to work alongside him.

Saying good-bye to the rest of the PH staff was sad. I will never forget these people and what they are doing in God's name in Guatemala. I will forever pray for them and PH and I can't wait to see them again..whether that be on the next missions trip or the day Christ returns.

The bus ride back to the seminary was long. We, once again, had a police escort which made me feel so much more at peace while we were driving back late at night. It was so weird to think that we'd be on our way to the airport in 7 hours. I have only been in Guatemala for a week, but it's hard to remember what my life was like before that. We have been preparing for this trip for months. It has been my #1 priority for quite some time. What were my priorities before that? Money? Dating? Happy hour?? None of that seems important to me right now. My relationship with God and serving Him are at the top of my priority list. God can use me in so many ways. I'm excited to see what He has planned for me next. I wonder what sort of feelings and emotions I'm going to go through once I get home. I pray that I don't forget what I learned and experienced here when I return home. I pray that re-entry into my life is not as difficult as all the books are preparing us for. There were way too many thoughts going through my head while I packed my dirty clothes back into my suitcase.

It was quiet as we all went to bed for our last night's rest in bug-infested beds. The bus will be here at 3am to take us to the airport. We have one more very dangerous drive before we head home.

For he will deliver you from the snare of the fowler
and from the deadly pestilence.
He will cover you with his pinions,
and under his wings you will find refuge;
his faithfulness is a shield and buckler.
You will not fear the terror of the night,
nor the arrow that flies by day,
nor the pestilence that stalks in darkness,
nor the destruction that wastes at noonday.

A thousand may fall at your side, ten thousand at your right hand, but it will not come near you. Psalm 91:3-7

There will be a day with no more tears, no more pain and no more fears

Today is our last work day! I can't believe it's Friday already!

A few people on the team woke up with uneasy stomachs this morning. We go home in a few days and I pray that we can all stay healthy while we are still here. God has really protected us thus far!

This morning was very, very busy as we finished everything that had to be done at Flora's house. We had to finish painting, install the stove, windows and doors, clean up, build and install a small wall, and do any other last minute tasks that we forgot about.

The morning went very quickly and we headed back to PH for lunch. We were all very quiet at lunch today..I think we're all really exhausted. Personally, I'm sad about leaving Flora and her family. I know I'll be back to Guatemala and I can send them letters through PH, but I'm going to miss them so much! I don't know if I can even verbalize how much this family has impacted my life in just a week. I thought I was coming here to build them a house and change THEIR lives, but I think the opposite happened. They have blessed me far more than I blessed them with this house.

After lunch, we walked back to the house and people from the community were already standing around waiting for the Farewell Ceremony that they were throwing for us. However, before we started that, we still had work to finish!! We had some problems in the morning installing the wall so we had to finish that and paint it very quickly. We were literally still painting when people started coming into the house. I really hoped that no one would lean up against the walls!


Many of the women from the community got dressed up for the ceremony. Flora and her daughters looked beautiful! A lot of the children that Flora invites into her home every Sunday were there. The farewell ceremony was very emotional for everyone. First, Tristan presented the keys to the house to Flora and Julio. They wept and were so thankful. I looked around and everyone on our team was crying..even the boys and they didn't try to hide it! The Sunday school children presented us with the gifts they made for us..necklaces and cards..and sang us a song!


Before we left, we wanted to pray for the family and their new house. We gathered around them, placed our hands on them and took turns praying for them. After we were finished, the community wanted to pray for us so the team gathered close together while the community members circled around us. I had a flashback to our very first meeting as a team. We were 10 strangers and we had all just signed up for this short-term mission trip to Guatemala and many of us were still confused as to why God even called us to sign up. The first thing we did together was a team building exercise where we had to stand on a table cloth that was folded in half and without anyone falling over or stepping off the cloth, we had to flip it to the other side. We were all huddled together, holding onto each other's hands and arms, void of any personal space at all! It took us at least a half hour, but we got that table cloth turned over without anyone falling or stepping off. It wasn't easy..there were a few times when we were literally holding each other up so we wouldn't fall over. And here we were again, huddled together, holding onto each other. I thought about the journey we had been on over the past week and how many times we held onto each other so we wouldn't fall and how many times one of us did fall and the rest of us picked that person up. How appropriate that our week is ending this way.

Antonio said that he would translate as the community members prayed for us but as soon as the first person started praying, it was obvious why he didn't want to stop them to translate. The emotion and passion that they displayed while they thanked God for sending us to Guatemala is something I've never seen or experienced before. Even though the only phrase I could understand was "Gracias, Dios" (Thank you, God), I still felt so humbled that THEY were praying for US. We came to pray for them, but they are more concerned about thanking God for us, and asking God to make sure we get home safely and asking him to bring us back to Guatemala someday.

We spent some time saying good-bye to the community before we had to get back to PH. It was bittersweet...I'm so happy for what they have given me this week and what I have given them this week, but I'm sad to be leaving. There were a lot of hugs and even more tears. As we walked to PH through the communities, I prayed to God that He would never let me be comfortable with poverty no matter if it's in Guatemala or Milwaukee. I prayed that I would never forget what I saw here...the brokenness and despair, but also the grace and the hope. I prayed that I would not be one of those short-term missionaries that goes home and returns to life as normal, completely forgetting about what was witnessed on their mission. I'm so thankful that I got to love these people that so many others have forgotten about...the least of these.

"The King will reply, 'I tell you the truth, whatever you did for one of the least of these brothers of mine, you did for me.' Matthew 25:40

We got back to PH and had to say good-bye to most of the staff that will not be joining us tomorrow in Antigua. I was so emotionally drained at that point and didn't want to say anymore good-byes! They took such good care of us all week..always making sure we had bottled water, making sure we were safe, giving us way too much food to eat, supporting us emotionally, and praying for us. I'm going to miss them so much!

After dinner we had our last debriefing session. Well, the last one in Guatemala...we have a few scheduled when we get home. It didn't last very long because a few of the boys are starting to get really sick. We talked a lot about what it's going to be like when we get home. I know that this experienced has changed me..I don't know how it could not have...but I need to remember when I get home that not everyone has gone through what I have during the past week. I know that I'll make changes in my life to make myself less materialistic, less wasteful, and more Christ-like but I pray that I have the patience to not get frustrated with those who haven't spent a week walking through garbage or those who haven't seen a child crying because they are starving. I hope that my stories can help them make changes in their lives. I pray that others will come to realize that we were created to serve and they'll follow me as I continue to serve at home, and in Guatemala. Afterall, Jesus came not to be served, but to serve. I'm excited to continue deepening my relationship with God when I got home. Our relationship has changed so much in the past week, and I look forward to what is yet to come.

I see a generation rising up to take their place, with selfless faith.

This morning we went into two different houses in the San Juan community to install stoves. I use the word "stove" loosely because they aren't like stoves we have in our homes. The are made out of concrete blocks and they cost around $160 for all the parts. They are filled with volcanic sand which warms when the fire is started with wood underneath the sand. Most families do not have a stove in their home. Many of them have an open fire pit, which is very dangerous and unhealthy because the smoke just stays in the house. We broke into two groups again and my group went into Christina's house. She is an older woman who lives with her daughter, son-in-law and grandson. She runs a small store out of the front of her house. Her house is very small-just basically one big room divided into small areas with curtains-dirt floors and three beds. There was a "bathroom" behind the house and the smell was horrible. Having a toilet or sink in your home here is considered a luxury. Even if they do have a toilet, there is no plumbing so it's basically just like an outhouse. Most communities have an area with a very large sink where all the members bathe, wash their clothes, etc. There also might be a toilet in that area that they all share. I can't even fathom what that would be like.

It only took us a few hours to assemble the stove for Christina and her family. She didn't spend much time talking to us because she was busy with her store and chasing her grandson, Edwin, around. She did come and check on our progress a few times and she seemed very thankful that we were there. After we were finished, we prayed for her and her family. The other group was not finished with their stove so we hung around outside and played with the kids that were running around. There was a very sick little girl in the home that the other group was in. Her mother told them that she refuses to eat anything, except suckers, and she won't drink water. Nora and Becky got her to drink some of their clean bottled water. It sounded like she had a parasite in her stomach and they don't have access to a doctor or medicine. The poor girl was laying on a bed just crying and rolling around in pain. I felt so horrible for her.

After the stove projects, we headed back to Flora's house. We only have the rest of the day today and tomorrow morning to get everything finished! Earlier in the day, someone had brought up the idea of buying a stove for Flora and Julio and installing it in their new house. Because so many of our friends and family felt called to financially donate to this trip, we have extra money to use for other projects while we are here. God is good! We talked to PH about it and unfortunately, they don't keep the stove parts on site and it normally takes almost two weeks for everything to get to PH. We were pretty bummed about that but still decided to purchase the stove for the family and PH would install it when it arrived. So we told Edwin to go ahead and order it. A few hours later, Edwin came to the work site with some great news. He told us that all the parts for the stove would be here tomorrow morning so we'd be able to install it before the Farewell Ceremony!! Praise God! His tiny miracles amaze me so much!!

Today during lunch, we had the privilege of meeting the founders and directors of Potter's House, Gladys and her husband, Edgar. They are wonderful, amazing people and I can see God working through them. It was such an honor to meet them and Impact is so blessed that they have chosen to begin a long-term partnership with us.

While we were walking back to Flora's house after lunch, we walked past a young girl sitting on the street-maybe 15 years old-sniffing solvent. Literally, the bottle was up to her nose. Her eyes were rolling back into her head. God, why do you allow this to happen?

The afternoon was spent painting, cleaning up, and doing any other last minute jobs that needed to be done. The day went really fast, probably because we were so busy, and we were back at the seminary for dinner before I knew it. We did our nightly ritual of eating together and then debriefing.

I'm really enjoying spending time with everyone on my team. They all amaze me in different ways and for different reasons. The way that God took 10 broken, selfish, sinful humans and created such unity among us leaves me speechless. These people who were strangers to me months ago (well, besides Becky) have now become my brothers and sisters in Christ. I get really emotional when I think about how much we care for each other, how we have supported and encouraged each other and how we pray for each other everyday. I'm so humbled by what we have done as a team here in Guatemala and how God has used us to serve in His name. I thank God for all of their strength's, but also for their weaknesses because that's where I really see Him working inside of my teammates. I see God's love pouring out of them when I see them loving the Treasures. I see God in my teammates.

I see God in so many different people here. I see Him in Antonio and the other staff of Potter's House, in Flora and the Treasures in her community and in the children. I see Him working in so many ways in Guatemala City and it gives me hope for these communities. It gives me hope that they won't always live like this..in a garbage dump.


But the needy will not always be forgotten, nor the hope of the afflicted ever perish. Psalm 9:18

It's hard to believe that we are going home in a few days. The days are going by so quickly. I don't want to go home. I'm not ready to leave Guatemala City. At least, not right now. I do miss my family, but other than that, I don't miss home. I don't miss my life there. I don't miss my job and the greed that I'm surrounded by when I'm there. I've gotten used to brushing my teeth with bottled water and not flushing toilet paper. I've gotten used to be totally confused when someone speaks to me in Spanish and I have no clue what they are saying, and we have to figure it out by pointing or mirroring. I have fallen in love with so many children and people in these communities. I see God in so many more places here than at home. I don't want to go back to a world where material possessions are worshiped more than God. I can't go back to the self-centered, selfish, individualistic society that we live in. I've been changed by His grace.

Each of you should look not only to your own interests, but also to the interests of others. Philippians 2:4

I don't want to leave this garbage dump or the people in this dump. They are dirty, but they are so beautiful.